Thursday, 1 September 2011

Meet me at The Max

Labour Day weekend always brings that rush of back to school excitement tinged with a slight disappointment that summer is, indeed, over and that no, you didn't:

- spend afternoons frolicking in a meadow
- fall madly  in love with a Spanish exchange student
- clean out your car

Luckily, I am a zillion years old and get to experience BTS (as it's known in the 'biz...go ahead, punch me) as an amused observer. I hear all about the insane professors, keg parties, "crunch time" (which is not breakfast, as I had assumed, but the two weeks before exams when every essay, project and presentation culminate in an acne-inducing stress bomb). I get to ruminate on whose roomies are rooming together, and wonder why workout wear suddenly passes as an outfit.

Since I am not joining the ranks of fresh-faced pupils this year and have spawned no evil offspring, here's for you, Faithful Reader, a quick list of must-haves for back to school.

Timberlands. Maybe it's because B.R. is recording rap battles again, but I'm all over these babies. Waterproof and sort of mean looking.
Pick it up on vinyl. You'll need it for all-hands-on-deck pot-fueled housecleaning.
It'll cure what ails ye.
Scrubs away the shame and regret of a thousand Retro Nights
Herschel Survey. Fits the obligatory MacBook, unopened textbooks, and weeks of laundry.
There, now you can cover up your LuLu Lemons in a fashionable way, and stay cozy in lecture!  NOW you look smart :)
If a disrespectful roommate is grossing you out with her afternoon delight, pop this on and you'll be laughing louder than the bedsprings! Extra bonus: her date will think you're laughing at his pathetic attempt at lovemaking and hopefully never return.
Every student house has an adopted mangy cat. This one will love you matter how many macroeconomics classes you missed.

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